This Is Me

I’ve been told grief is like a spiral. The process involves the same hurts over and over again with lessening intensities. I’ve been told grief is like waves, with some being crashing breakers, others tiny wavelets, and still others the raging fury of a tsunami. What I’ve come to think is this…grief is like the…

I’ve been told grief is like a spiral. The process involves the same hurts over and over again with lessening intensities. I’ve been told grief is like waves, with some being crashing breakers, others tiny wavelets, and still others the raging fury of a tsunami. What I’ve come to think is this…grief is like the…

My dad…what can I say about my dad?He was one of a kind. He made my mom happy. He had the weirdest sense of humor. He was insanely smart. He loved our family. Nothing tasted better than his homemade lasagna. He taught me how to back up my iPhone and to pressure can beans. He…

Ink doodle. It’s helping.

My mom said something the other day that really stuck to my brain. In grief, there’s this feeling of ‘how can the world keep moving’. There are moments that I want the world to stop because my world has stopped. But my mom pointed out, if the whole world stopped, once you’re ready to step…

It’s a real thing. I raided our local Hobby Lobby this afternoon. I guess either I decided that painting with ‘the good stuff’ once every two weeks wasn’t enough, or, as Kathy says, the Holy Spirit was telling me something. Either way, I came out of there financially poorer, but armed with art supplies that…

I am numb this morning. And it’s not ‘I’m in the midst of an emotional crisis so I’m shutting down to protect myself’ numb, either. It’s my normal ‘I’m not a morning person, morning people suck, don’t talk to me until after I coffee’ numb. Is it weird how weird ‘normal’ feels? Was it Harley…

I don’t know if it’s healthy or not, but I just went through my deleted voicemails and undeleted every voicemail from my dad. I don’t ever want to forget his voice. I am an emotional roller coaster. My mom says she’s glad I’m an emotional roller coaster because it would scare her if I wasn’t…

Mandisa made me cry this morning. I wish I could thank her. He is with you in the ICU When the doctors don’t know what to do And it scares you to the core He is with you. I put on some music and started painting. I wanted to deal with my feelings or nonfeelings…

Is it that I’ve cried all my tears or that I’m so tired of crying that I can’t produce tears anymore? My eyes hurt, that’s what I know. Actually, everything hurts, to be honest. My heart, my head, my eyes. What doesn’t hurt feels heavy and weak. My grandfather- my dad’s dad- had three grandchildren:…